Dear Santa…..NO!

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard

Back in the day, Mrs. Lawrence and Mrs. Connelly (nee Lawrence) were notorious Black Friday shoppers. It was not uncommon for those two to be up and out by 4:00 AM to take advantage of the “best bargains”.  I, on the other hand, would be just about getting home from work at that time of the morning and had zero interest in joining them. Because….internet. The standing joke in our household was that dad (me) waited until December 21st to shop on-line, and then spend extra for expedited shipping. In my opinion, that extra money was well spent. I hate crowds and the mayhem always associated with holiday shopping. But, some things tend to change with time. Mrs. Connelly (nee Lawrence) left for college and the empty nest syndrome set in. Mrs. Lawrence no longer had the enthusiasm to do the Black Friday thing alone. And like I said, some things change over time. I still prefer to do my shopping on-line and with services like Amazon Prime, I can continue to wait until the last minute. And apparently, I’m not alone.

The stats are slowing coming in, but it appears as if the projected Black Friday sales are down about 11% this year. However, Cyber Monday sales are projected at a 19% increase. I like to think that I helped pioneer that trend and hereby offer my sincerest apologies to any retail business still not offering their products on-line.

With all that early shopping completed, I would like to take this opportunity to speak to my ever-loyal customer base. I know that many, if not all of you, have purchased tech related gifts for me, and in the coming weeks, you’ll be showing up at Computer & Software Solutions, with lavishly wrapped presents, to show your gratitude for the undying patience I exhibit throughout the year. With that in mind, if any of my presents appear below, you’ll have plenty of time to make returns and exchanges.

Worst Gadgets of 2014

 Typo iPhone Keyboard Case – Feels and acts as tacky as it looks.

iphone keyboard case

 CSR Bluetooth-enabled jewelry – Flashes colored lights for smartphone notifications.(Mine would flash black all the time)

ces-bluetooth-jewe_2785629k

 RoboThespian – Programmable to ruminate at great lengths. (I can do that myself)

robothespian

 Mother Home Sensor System – Designed to rat you out when you raid the fridge at night.

Mother Sensor

 NueVue Phone Case – Coated with an antimicrobial lining designed to kill the germs on your touch screen. (A bit OCD even for me)

NeuVue

Cutting Board with Integrated iPad Holder – For the discerning chef who wishes to expose their expensive tablet to sharp objects.

ces-chopping-board_2785684k

 OhMiBod blueMotion – Per the manufacturer, “An app controlled vibrator causing vibrating underwear that can be activated by the wearer or remotely by a friend or partner“. (As enticing as this may sound, NO!)

OhMiBod

 

And finally, if any of you should decide to disregard my unwanted gift issues, please include the following in the package:

 Quit Your Job App – I can use this to send you automated messages when you call for computer help.

I Quit App

 

 

HoHoNo

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