“If what you’ve done is stupid but it works, then it really isn’t that stupid at all.” – David Letterman
I answer a lot of questions on a daily basis. They come in the form of face-to-face interactions with current customers and walk-in strangers, phone calls, emails and via our Facebook page. Also, I’m frequently approached in obscure places such as grocery stores & restaurants by people seeking computer related assistance. I do so freely and actually enjoy helping people realize a more informative and enjoyable computing experience. That being said, I’d like to advise all my past teachers, professors, superiors (both civilian and military), and mentors, all of whom over the years, at least once, said “there’s no such thing as a stupid question”. You were wrong.
My Top 10 Questions of 2014
10. Via our Facebook page: “One Problem Give Me Quick Solution” (So far so good, right? Not really, here’s the “One Problem”): “Mera laptop on ho kr band ho hata hai. I mean kabhi window ka logo aaney sey pehly hi off ho jata hai aur kabhi logo samney aata hai aur laptop band ho jata hai Kia problem hai?”
** First, allow me to say that we greatly appreciate our Facebook fans from other lands. We currently have over 7,500 people following us and at least half of those are from 47 countries that don’t count English as their primary language. We get a lot of questions from those folks and most times we’re able to translate either via web services, or through someone who understood the language/question. Unfortunately, the above questioner received no forthcoming help from anyone else, and all of our web based translators said “Are you drunk?”.
9. Via Email: “I have oriental writing at the top of my AOL homepage. Why is it there? Does this have something to do with that Sony and North Korea fight? Tell me what you know about this.”
8. Via Email: “You told me you put a free antivirus on my machine. Why is it telling me I have to pay for it?”
***I put AVG 2015 (Free Edition) on your machine after we cleaned all malware, removed all crapware, and uninstalled the antivirus that you previously paid for, but allowed to expire 2 years ago. Additionally your invoice included the following, highlighted in yellow: “AVG: If asked to upDATE, do so. Do not upGRADE or accept additional features. Doing so will remove you from the free version and put you on the trial version, which after 30 days, requires a paid subscription”.
7. In person: “My wife brought her laptop in for service. When she brought it home, I saw it wasn’t her computer. I want her computer back. What kind of crap are you trying to pull”?
***Me: “Sir, every machine that comes in here is documented and tagged using the make and serial number. I’m certain your wife received the correct machine when she picked up.”
***Me: “Sir, is that your wife outside in the car? If so, tell her to come inside.”
***Wife: “I got my own machine back. He’s drunk.”
***Me: “Leave. Now.”
6. Via Phone: “Do you work on iPads?”
***Me: “What’s wrong with it?”
***Him: “I left it on the hood of my car and ran over it”.
5. Via Phone: “My computer is acting up, should I bring it in?”
***Me: “Define “acting up.”
***Him: “I can’t get on it.”
***Me: “It won’t turn on?”
***Him: “It turns on, but I can’t get on it. What don’t you understand?”
***Me: “What do you see on your screen?”
***Him: “I see all the little things, BUT I CAN’T GET ON IT!!”
***Me: “Sir, are you trying to tell me you have no internet connection?”
***Him: “What the (expletive) do you think I’ve been saying?”
4. Via Phone, via Email & in person: “I’m getting emails in dangerous looking languages, probably Arabic. How can I make this obvious propaganda stop?”
***Me. Previously discussed.
3: Via Phone: “My printer won’t print”.
***Me: “OK. Are you trying to print wirelessly or is the printer connected to your computer with a cable?”
***Me: “OK. Sorry, but I have to ask. Is the printer powered on?”
***Me: “And is there paper in the printer?”
***Her. “Sorry.” <Click>
2: Via message on Facebook page: “What time do you close on Thursdays”?
***Me: “We’re open until 4PM on Thursdays.”
***Them: “I was there last Thursday around noon and you were closed.”
***Me: “Last Thursday was Thanksgiving. We were closed on Thanksgiving.”
***Them: “You just said you were open until 4 on Thursdays.”
***Me: “Have a nice day.”
1. Via Phone: “Do you fix iPads?”
***Me: “Did you run over it with your car?”
***Him: “How’d you know that?”
Except on any Thanksgiving holiday that may fall on a Thursday.